Tag Archive: growing up

My Golden Calf

Day 40 Exodus 30-32

Can I wait for 40 days to hear the plans God has for me?  I mean I’ve seen His miracles, I’ve worshiped Him, felt close to Him, Complained to Him.  But I guess what I’m asking is if I asked God a specific question, or made a specific request, How long could I wait for God to answer?  And what if God answer at the moment is, “Be still [Erika] and know that I am God.”  Like an Attention Deficit Child of five I think my ability to be still in mind, body and soul last only a few moments and then I’m off seeking answers elsewhere…

What are my Golden Calves I seek in the place of my God, and how long does it take me before I start to seek them?  Those that know me know that I am in a state of searching, thinking and beginning what seems to be a Season of change.  Some of this I know is God inspired. My prayer a week ago came as a loud wail accompanied by a torrent of tears. I called to the Lord and asked him to MOVE ME! Since that prayer I’ve felt Peace, God’s faithfulness,  Patience and Self control.  So I’m searching with God’s Blessing, looking for the next step in my life, in truth I’m looking at going to school again.  Does this all seem too melodramatic,  it’s not really, it’s just in my nature to be, shall we say, spirited.  Here is my worry.  I can’t figure out what I want to be when I grow up, so I’m struggling looking at different programs.  Oh God what if I pick the wrong one? What if I waste all this time and all this money and not what to do what I’d be trained to do?! 

“Be Still and wait” 

And in marched the Golden Calf… Have I really asked how God can be glorified in these choices I’m looking at?  It’s hard, I remember sitting at my teller window as I worked as a bank teller thinking how does this Glorify my maker?  But I haven’t been thinking about that.. I’ve been thinking money, child care, will I be happy?  I’m not saying these aren’t important questions but GOD got me to where I am right now.  It’s not that I think I’m all that special I just Know that God has done special things in my life, I need only to look at my three kids to know that.. So WHY can I not trust that God can do something special in this… All of this “stuff” I’ve been struggling with since the beginning of January? I literally said to my husband yesterday,” I’m running in circles getting nowhere.”   If I just wait … He’s got something coming… much better than what ever I can half convince myself is best.  What is my Golden Calf at the moment?  Worry, fear, and anger.. always anger.  These things paralize me, and I’ll cease to move in this direction I’m feeling led… where ever this direction may be leading me.

My friends are farmers up North, and it interesting to hear about how with it being so cold there is nothing they can do on the farm, and so the husband is in the home.  It’s that Season where there is nothing to be done in the field.  Spring is coming… but for now they wait.  The Israelites waited out the 40 days of Moses’s stay on the mountain and by the end they had convinced Aaron to build them a god that could be worshiped for doing nothing.  It’s only attribute was it was created by them… to fill a void that would be filled by the God who had led them from Egypt, who still fed them Manna daily, they needed only to wait.  Today is day 40 of our study… it’s high time my golden calf be disassembled, crushed and scattered.


All Grown Up

Day 26 Genesis 41-42

So Joseph has been humbled.. How many years in prison did it take? I Love the part when the Pharaoh asks him if he can interpret dreams and he has this golden opportunity to brag and take credit for himself but instead uses it to give God the glory. bravo brat, you’ve grown up! Now I have the veggie tales ” The Ballad of Little Joe” song stuck in my head.