Tag Archive: fear

To Fear or Not to Fear?

Day 60 Numbers 14-15, Psalm 90


My heart is heavy over today’s reading. I can relate to the Israelites. To be led out of bondage, through the desert ONLY by the Grace of God, then to finally see the promise land and be paralyzed by fear.. they were going to kill Moses and Aaron their fear had grown so big! I can relate to this, on some levels I really can. fear paralyzes me from realizing some of my biggest accomplishments and accepting some of the largest promises. When I’ve stepped out in spite of my fear taken the out stretched hand of the Almighty and leapt out into the great unknown TOGETHER we’ve accomplished some really big things.  You’d think I’d totally be over this fear thing… yet with so many things life has handed to me this year I find myself feeling afraid of my future.  Some of it really looks scary and I think, Lord how can I do this?!  How do I figure out which way is YOUR way in all this “filth” I find myself in?  lucky me, My God’s been busy providing me answers: 

“He lifted me up out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:2 

‘Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.”   Isaiah 30:21

  Lord, may this habit of fear in me be broken for good!  This broken vessel is still good for something, fill it, use it, even in all that We’re going through.. Use me.  Lead me to where YOU need me and let not fear be my guide.  YOU are my guide, and its high time I start following you.  Even though I did not choose some of these paths YOU still know where they lead,  My offering today is fear, anxiety, regret, sorrow and anger.  Take it today, instead I choose YOU.


Promised Destination

Day 28 Genesis 46-47

I zeroed in on Verses 3 and 4 of chapter 46, it reads: “I am God, the God of your father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. 4 I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.”

  Now, I’ve been to vacation bible school and I know what happens to the Israelites in Egypt… Nothing that God told Jacob is false, AND if they had stayed in Canaan they would have died of starvation, but Egypt proves to be one tough place for the Hebrews.  I can relate to this experience.

   There was no doubt in my mind when we began our adoption of our last child that God was in control… and the end result would be beautiful.   He planted the seed, He opened the doors, my daughter’s very name was like a sign from our Creator to highlight how involved He was in every detail of this journey.  We still had to take the steps, but it was heavenly orchestrated.  Did this make it easy?  The answer to that would be a resounding NO!!  Especially when we were in her country of birth.  No step in the process was easy, ever. but as we inched our way through the bureacracy the fingerprints of God were all over the place.  I kept thinking, if I’d know it was going to be this hard or take this long I wouldn’t have agreed to do this… PRAISE GOD I didn’t know!!  While although he failed to mention the trials we’d face what was super evident was how much we were falling in love with our beautiful daughter, our Promised Destination.  And all the bumps we went through to get her? Well those were opportune moments for God’s Glory  to open our eyes.

   I’m here again  facing a long hard journey (no we’re not adopting again) and I’ve been promised that at the end of this journey I’m on “It will all be ok.”  But I worry what does that mean?  What will I have to go through to get there? I honestly have no idea where the path I’m on ends up, I have only been reassured that I’ll be fine in the end.  Well right now there is one particular end I DON’T want, but at the moment my only choice is to give this all to God and trust He knows what’s best.   Here is God promising to Jacob that in Egypt he will become a great nation, but God leaves out the years of bondage and slavery part doesn’t He…

   I have been meditating on 1 Peter 4:19 “So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”  I am hurting in ways I’ve never hurt before.  But because of that My Creator is holding me up and supporting me and I am committed to Him like never before.  The do good part.. well I’m trying, the temptation to not be so good is great… but I’m going to walk this path set before me.  God has told me, “I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again.”  Although I fear the journey I know there is value in it.

Habitual Mistakes and Fear

Day 27 Genesis 43-45 

I didn’t realize that Simeon was left in Egypt and they didn’t return to get him, they returned because they ran out of food! Jacob discarded a son for the life of a favored son.  How often do our fears delay our blessings?  How often do our habitual mistakes, in this case Jacob’s habit of preferring one child over the others, prevent us from experiencing God’s full glory in our lives?
 I was moved particularly by Judah’s offer to stay in place of Ben.  Given what the brothers did to Simeon, Judah was essentially offering his life for his brother’s in hopes that he would save his father from more misery. Looks like Joseph wasn’t the only one who grew up a little. Not exactly a salvation sighting BUT it has elements of it… Jesus came from the Tribe of Judah…
Lord help me to discard my fears that prevent the awaiting blessings… Help me to unlearn habitual mistakes I make so that so that I may learn to appreciate the fullness of Your glory in my life.  

Bears and Volcanoes

Job 40-42

  What’s the closest you’ve ever come to seeing and hearing God?  I feel as though I have several…I remember as a child after going on a trip to Monterey Mexico I had a dream about running into Jesus’s arms…  I still believe that was more than just a dream.. and while it was a very loving simple dream It frightened me.

   During my daughter’s adoption God did a lot of hand holding and nudging but while in her country of birth the stress level was pretty high due to quite a lot of unknowns.  God carried me, and when I’d doubt Him and His ability to help, He’d move mountains in such a way there was no doubt it was HIM.  That scared me to the core.  I kept trying to figure things out for myself till finally God said, “MINE!”  Then to realize it was all His, that He was the blessed controller of all things and my attempts to pretend otherwise seemed rather ridiculous.  Because when you really boiled my stress, worry and fuss down I was pulling a Job, I was telling the creator of the universe, No you’re wrong, here let me do it right.  It’s a perfect recipe for truly understanding the idea of Fearing the Lord.  He’s one big God, sufficient in all things, and he loves little ol me. 

I’ve always bragged about having great fears.. I have two of them:  bears and volcanoes.  Both are a perfectly healthy fear.  Both are powerful, majestic, magnificent creations.  I’m not about to walk up to a Kodiak Bear and flick it on the nose.  I’m not going to stick around during an eruption to see the “pretty” lava, or observe a pyroclastic blast…  I respect the might of the bear and volcano, I should then respect even more their Creator.  What’s even more unbelievable is that same Creator took the time to create me, with the same tender care and rapt interest He formed me. He pursues me, cares for me.  Now that deserves respect, and love.  

To conclude with my thoughts on Job I wanted to point out this: God didn’t make a perfect world.  We can’t stay in Eden, but even outside the garden, the rules are not as they should be.  The bad guys don’t always get punished and the good guys don’t always win.  satan challenged God to prove that Job Loved God for more reasons than because Job had a good life. While Job whines, questions and challenges God, he never turns his back on God nor curses him as Job’s wife suggested.  Job continued to Love God even during the bad times.  That’s love born of free will, not forced from us through a series of promised rewards and punishments.  Sometimes we draw even closer to God during and as a result of hard times.  Job, a righteous man to begin with, was now even closer to God because of his hardships… may I be able to say the same during tough times in my life.